One Liners

>> a.. The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the
>> universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
>>
>> b.. Some people kiss with their eyes closed. Too bad they marry the
>> sameway.
>>
>> c.. Smoking helps you lose weight ... one lung at a time!
>>
>> d.. The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you
>> never get to prove it.
>>
>> e.. A Spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble
>> you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
>>
>> g.. The reason men lie is because women ask so many questions.
>>
>>
>> i.. I always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in
>> case someone wants their coffee black.
>>
>> j.. If it's free, it's advice; If you pay for it, it's counseling.
>>
>> k.. The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of the
>> oncoming train.
>>
>> n.. If your wife wants to learn to drive, don't stand in her way.
>>
>> o.. My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses... He
>> drinks straight out of the bottle.
>>
>> p.. Tell a man there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you...
>> Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
>>
>> q.. Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
>>
>> r.. Will the year 2000 Volkswagen be known as the Y2K Bug?
>>
>> s.. Getting caught is the mother of invention.
>>
>> t.. Advertisement: Guitar, for sale, cheap, no strings attached.
>>
>> u.. Did you hear about the blonde who threw away her weight loss
>> video?
>>
>> Because she noticed that the people on the video weren't losing
>> weight either?
>>
>> w.. "Buffet". A French word that means "Get up & get it yourself !"
>>
>> x.. I AM in shape... Round is a shape.
>>
>> y.. My wife is so ugly... A cannibal took one look at her and ordered
salad.
>>
>> z.. Sign seen in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in
>> advance."
>>
>> aa.. Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone."
>>
>> ab.. When I read about the evils of drinking...I gave up reading